This challenge time of the year: Jun-Aug with same challenge: burnout, self-doubt, guilt in my incompetence. Finish well my race. Expand, Include others and Take joy in every opportunities. How: (1) simplify my services (my own expectation) to others and be content about my competence (2) set boundaries w. people for quiet training time w. God
Aug 06. first week of Aug passing so fast. I have sleep trouble again. having symptom of burnout. How do I set healthy boundaries of work, of fam and get more relaxing and grateful time. Challenge still be time and mental capacity. But looking back to this time in 2020, I’ve been changed by the Lord over guilt in incompetence in service for work and fam, and discontentment about my competency. But looking forward to simplify life in my services and set boundaries with others for my own quiet time training.
- watching movie alone recently has been good: (while spouse and An enjoy their own anime) lots of inspiring movie about women. I felt that I am still living my life in a very small way. I want to extend to read more novel or even history books. movie about queen Elizabeth figured a strong character who chose to have no husband, bear no children and she said God gave her strength to bear that might freedom and she is herself. I don’t know how much the movie reflect the history but it pictured an ugly picture when people are hunger for power, control and leverage the pure heart of religion for politics and seeking glory for themselves. Human society, where are we going into. What God wants me to see and do something about it?
- An and Aka stay the sustainable joy of our heart and eyes: cannot describe enough our joy of having them
- An’s investment: physical strength and 熱中力 .. was a good pick from an article yesterday. Also, I realize the letting her stay too long in Active more harmful than good. 🌸 I need to act fast on this observation
- hand-off mtg: was good. I feel the trust of others and my heart was more calm and feel right and negotiate reasonably for my commitment.
- connect lunch w. VNese mom: was good and refreshing. despite my exhaustedness, I enjoy a sense of equality and similarity. we almost talked about educating children. Grateful that God gave me strength to include others to our lives. 🌸 look forward to connect with spouse’s previous (senior people) colleagues.
- reason to stay: grateful for eyes to see opportunity in this team and org. it is still far until I’ll be valuable but I felt a light sense of trust, but also opportunities to set boundaries to engineers. After a week of recovering, I feel I still want to stay with the team. this is still where I can earn experience and grow myself.
- broadcast about AWE: was better than expectation. indeed there is good women in the tech world, I just need to connect with them more.
- sleep trouble
- mechanism to manage a tidy house, leverage everyone, not relying on myself
- mechanism to keep expanding myself in social connection .. to feel good, feel connected, feel right, giving encourage … but stay firm in the Lord .. showing people a taste of good life
- The goodness of God: Your goodness is chasing after me. so wonderful in all your ways
Review journal of this time of previous years
2020 Aug 06, Thu
- situation: no exercise, no time for journal & hearing and seek wisdom
- lesson: (I felt that) time/energy was ineffective: worried as I don’t have a solution to forecast. lots of investment 2–3 hours vs. very less result: nothing. very high energy and family sacrifice: nervous, stress and guilt.
- lesson: input from naoi: very very efficient/effective: only 10 min yesterday and 10 min today. good biz context digesting. I want to earn more of this: make it a mechanism: quick analysis and get input from opinion holders.🛫
- clean: blame others for my choice of being busy. negative and less cooperative🌸
- count: indirect feedback from spouse that I worked too much (I asked him) and that I should dedicate time of the day to break. I don’t feel right with current way all these neg emotions, unpeaceful are reminder that I should adjust my daily life right away. Get back to exercise, journaling and hearing and see wisdom. Try new analysis work mechanism.
- calling: live a well-balanced, sustainable life (daily time commitment). time and emotion for myself (connect w. God and seek wisdom). time & emotion for fam (mental care, house service). time and emotion for work (service, observe and explore). Next big priority (time sensitive): 2nd baby — fam increase. balance (service and commitment, explore for opportunities). expand beyond myself.🛫
- bible: run the race to the END. God’s words provide guidance, nutrition, wisdom, encouragement. pass the baton to next generation (hope for eternal life, tasks in the meantime not finished; pass to others key to find relevant leaders. never give up HOPE. 🛫
- pray: this relationship (w. God) for this HOPE. bless me and guide me to see and accept others as Jesus did. everyone I encounter in life. guide me in this new journey of HOPE for increase fam, educate my fam and pass the baton to next gen. Pray for security and protection in You for fam, friend, colleagues, neighbor and guidance and wisdom for people in authority.🛫
Prayer for Aug (1st fruit)
- 1st of all: prioritize my capacity: health, time and mental. which is the important source for me to follow the calling of God. (first drop my expectation on work, manager’s expectation. pick up a new concept: set boundaries) amen. → → 🌸 opportunity coming NOW
- expand to include others to our lives (fam lives and connect group lives) e.g. team, vnese mom communities, ballet mom communities ? scientists around the world? .. pray for it. do it purposefully → → 🌸 opportunity coming NOW. 🛫
enjoy my journey and opportunities to earn the experience from the given environment e.g. scrum master, team lead .. continue develop the right (system) knowledge and vision knowledge (through trend inside and outside) and people connection knowledge for the next step of my tech career. be patient about God’s approval for promotion. for now enjoy learning, discovery and develop connection.→ → ★ needs a mindset change. NO LONGER my focuses. I need to shift this to deep learn the technical skill and vision/domain knowledge
- vision to invest the right things to An. she is at peak of consuming knowledge and discovering the world through experience and people connection → → 🌸 opportunity coming NOW. more Physical activities. 🛫
- build up my confidence as 1st lady of the Jesus: decent attire and inclusive attitude when being within social community. → → 🌸 opportunity coming NOW
- Biblical Success — Running the Race of Our Lives: Day 2 — How Can We Train?: “Brethren, … but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13–14 NKJV. We know that our race of life is a long race, a distance race as opposed to a sprint. we need “endurance” which we don’t for a sprint, and there are challenges that we will have to deal with successfully in order to complete our race and win or accomplish our personal best time. Building endurance takes a practice of discipline over time. One key ingredient for success as Christ followers in the race of life is growing in intimacy with our Father through spending training time with His Spirit in His Word. So, what’s our goal? Do we strive to be average Christians? コリント人への手紙Ⅰ 9:24–27 26ですから私は、ゴールを目指して、わき目もふらず全力で走ります。勝つために戦うのです。空を打つようなボクシングをしたり、おもしろ半分に走ったりはしません。 27自分の体をむち打ってきびしく鍛練し、なすべきことができるよう訓練しています。そうでないと、ほかの人たちを競技に参加させておきながら、自分は失格者として退場を命じられるかもしれないからです。ピリピ人への手紙 3:1212なにも、自分が完全な人間だと主張するつもりはありません。学ぶべきことも、まだたくさん残っています。ただ、キリストが何のために私を救ってくださったかを知り、自分に与えられている目標に到達する日を目指して、努力しているのです。ピリピ人への手紙 3:13–14 13愛する皆さん。私は、まだその目標に達してはいません。ただこの一事に全力を注いでいます。すなわち、過去に執着せず、前にあるものを望み見、 14ゴールに到達して神の栄冠を得るために、一生懸命努力しているのです。この栄冠を与えようと、神は私たちを天へと召しておられます。それは、キリスト・イエスが成し遂げてくださった救いによるのです。