New Season #7: Somehow God is showing people’s hearts to me. Can I harvest for the Lord. I don’t feel there yet.

Day xx. 21 Oct 9 Sat 2:31 am. Sleepless night

Thanksgiving

  • colleague connection: was a mixed feeling. I thought it was good. I thought it was helpful in changing some negative perspective toward my manager through actually interacting with them. I thought on the way home that this is good, the journey was fruitful. Am I felt lucky that I was released from such an environment of politics and challenges of explaining why things didn’t work under Covid

Life challenge

  • sleep quality: i woke at the middle of the night with a rising sorry feeling finding spouse is not on bed yet. Perhaps, I was holding the weight of the conversation this morning that I might bring unnecessary discomfort (the deep shame within me is weighting me down again Lord, and somehow I have compassion for others). I felt totally released finding spouse is in a healthy state, he was jogging and just commited on a few things. he is now sleeping. I couldn’t sleep, the unclear, fuwafuwa and being withdrawn emotions from today event (colleague connect at the park) somehow there is something I couldn’t process it all well yet. at least that is my assumption for my sleepless, despite tiring condition (period + spinning head). I need freedom, I cann’t help to chain myself to this state again.

Pray

  • Lord, help me. Forgive my sin of holding on selfish ambition, judging to others and holding on shame. I want your light but I am struggling to be with it. Touch me and wash me again Lord.

Quote: What does Godly Ambition Look Like

  • but toward what end? what is the prize that we seek? the book of Philippians says the goal is “to know Christ”
  • Godly ambition aims to know and follow Christ, not just at church, but in the workplace as well. .. we can make it our goal to know him more and live for his glory wherever we are
  • Godly ambition is also characterized by concern for the welfare of others. As we grow in knowing Jesus, we will develop a passion for God and his redemptive purposes for the world. Like Jesus, we are called to look not only to our own interests, but to the interests of others

Observation

  • today I looked of hunger for friendship and love in my female colleagues (perhaps in their quiet or honest question) and I also saw how I ignored that moment ..
  • today I also saw how the “talented” juggling their games (politics, deliverables and even at leveraging others as their stones) they seem to be able to laugh at it and sail through it, but I somehow feel their struggle in being “seen as unfriendly” from their direct or co-worker (naoi, reteip)
  • now I also observed “good attention” “good words” from them for me, even they might not say it, reteip mentioned and repeated on it. htaras said it. … perhaps the Lord wants me to see it and build confidence in me that He is working alongside with me. I should take courage to continue and be bold about the Lord to people around me. Perhaps I should start writing about it.

Verse / Receive

  • Philippians 2:1–4 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interest but each of you to the interests of others
  • ピリピ 3:7 JCB しかし私は以前、非常に価値があると思っていたこれらのものを、今ではことごと捨ててしまいました。それは、ただキリストだけを信頼し、キリストだけに望みをかけるためです。主であるキリスト・イエスを知っているという、途方もない特権と比べば、ほかのものはみな色あせて見えるのです。私は、キリスト以外のものは、がらくた同然と思っています。それは、キリストを自分のものとするためです。

My daily battles along with faith