Cry on my bitterness again. Lord, remove double-mindedness from me. Take my negative thoughts captive and replace them with fearless focus and faith. believe bigger means to believe that you’re worthy, wonderful, and ready.
Satan can ONLY catch me using my promotion bitterness. This will be the fast fight to be on the next level of God’s holiness and Capacity. I’ve overcome and making progress on the bitterness of marriage, children, family, relationship at social connection, relationship at work with colleagues and managers.
July 30. already end of July. lots of things didn’t go as wished but I survived it all well. and I made impact with my boldness at work and at home. I am still discouraged whether I am wasting my time for the mess others are creating on my life. But God’s voices telling me that I am progressing in my leader character: be bold, be transparent, be authentic, be patient. And I see more visibility
- visibility at MBR doc: glad to see my summary shown up at MBR, it feels good to see my effort being started recognized, that people know that I stand behind it.
- kudos by team: despite my “critical feedback” to engineers, I see their kudos and felt grateful. I am recognized by team and manager for every little things
- joy of our eyes: seeing and having An around us, even at this summer holiday at home is challenging but a great joy. we share the time, we played more. spouse played more with her. we heard her laughing voices more. our time sharing increased a lot more.
- understanding spouse: despite my crazy daily days, he shows support and understanding for me
- joy of children: night time, sofa, we talk w. aka, such a fam time and spouse give foot massage
- dinner commitment: somewhat we don’t go out for a temporal and disappointing and expensive dinner anymore. my perfection for dinner has dropped a lot!
- trust from VN moms: I feel a slight sense of favor and trust from VN moms
- social expansion: I see more invite from people for little social connection e.g. lunch w. ghakh fam, bunkyo vn moms group, tranh etc.
- messy home:
- sleep trouble:
- small mistakes:
- commitment to An’s bed time and ofuro
- total disappear of a joyful spirit at morning cafe w. fam
- always feel so busy
- finance security concern: from Oct
- Believing Bigger: Unleash Your Faith: Blessing Blockers: Self-Doubt: The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. (PROVERBS 14:1 NIV). Doubt and destiny are like two sides of a coin. Most of our self-doubt comes from the opinions, expectations, and wounds of others passed down as wisdom. We’ve been taught to believe in God but never taught how to believe in ourselves in a healthy and hearty way. When lingering inner thoughts whisper that we’re not good enough, loved enough, worthy enough, or just enough, we shrink. We settle. And we self-sabotage…. Proverbs is letting us know that both wisdom and folly are in our DNA. We will never fully pursue what we don’t believe we’re worthy to receive. And so with our own hands, we tear down blessings, relationships, and opportunities. Doubting yourself is really doubting God. To believe bigger means to believe that you’re worthy, wonderful, and ready. … In what areas do you doubt God will use you, bless you, heal you, restore you, shift you, or come through for you? Lord, remove double-mindedness from me. Take my negative thoughts captive and replace them with fearless focus and faith. Amen. 箴言 知恵の泉 14:1 1知恵のある女は自分の家を建て、愚かな女は自分の家を自分で壊します。
- Pondering: In what areas do you doubt God will use you, bless you, heal you, restore you, shift you, or come through for you? It is promotion at work. It is my career as a working mom. I want to cry again thinking about this bitterness and doubt, Lord. I tried so hard and put other above me on my services but I’ve received nothing in return and will receive nothing again, as I am losing my battle field and have to dedicate my time for child birth, fam care. It is so unfair and I am so incapable. Heal this large and enormous bitterness and self-doubt within me, Lord. Only You can understand, even spouse or family, noone will ever understand it. Am I worthy? will I ever achieve what I think is good.
1st fruit prayer: for God to enlarge my capacity for AUGUST
Decent attire and inclusive attitude at social events ← find purposes and joy in my imperfection. 神はあらかじめ選んだ人々を招き、そして彼らの罪を赦し、義（正しい者）と認められた人々には、さらに栄光を与えると約束してくださいました.
Patient and continuous joyful expansion of my tech lead career ← find purposes and joy in my imperfection. 神はあらかじめ選んだ人々を招き、そして彼らの罪を赦し、義（正しい者）と認められた人々には、さらに栄光を与えると約束してくださいました.
Key to attain holy capacity: Today’s calling. Fight w. holy arm: trust, attitude, love, boldness and receive timing wisdom. Don’t rely on myself/human effort/mechanism. Satan is trying to discouraging me with my self-doubt, promotion bitterness. Fight it with God’s Words. There is a time for everything. Now is the REST time, ENLARGE my capacity with the opportunities at hands.
- Right investment to An ← cultivate a strong heart w. celebration and affirmation. 知恵ある人のことばはなぐさめ、いやします. The right expectation is also important.
- Trust God for fam finance security ← another level of trust and peace